Classic Essays...better than saying "Outdated Turf Essays."
HERE COME THE SCAMMERS…By Bill Rogan (9-4-07)
It’s football season. College football and the NFL are back. Unfortunately, the scammers are back too.
The scammers, known as “touts” or “handicappers” are full of fecal matter, yet they pass themselves off as experts who have the inside scoop and know what the outcome of games will be. For this privileged information, they will sell you their picks so you can wager and make bank.
These lowlifes prey on the desperate and stupid. Weak-minded souls will cough up money to the touts and then will likely lose even more money betting on a game that was sold to them as a lock. Then they’ll come back for more because they get hooked on the promises made by these con artists.
If a handicapper is so smart, and knows what the outcome of games will be prior to kickoff, why in the world would he sell you his picks? He would simply camp out in Vegas and wager all weekend long.
It is disgraceful how the tout services make outrageous claims, such as “I’ve gone 57-3 the last 4 college football Saturdays” or “We are 17-0 on our lock of the year. Call us now for the winner of the Monday night game!” I thought fraudulent advertising was a crime.
It’s even more disgraceful that so-called legitimate media outlets broadcast this crap. Oh sure, they run a disclaimer before a tout show thinking that lets them off the hook. The thinking appears to be that these betting shows make money so who cares if they rip off the listeners. They ran a disclaimer! Not their problem he’s defaulted on his mortgage and ran up huge debts. Does a media entity care if the listener doesn’t have the money to patronize legitimate sponsors because he blew it by getting suckered in by hucksters?
For simple 60-second ads, a disclaimer usually isn’t run. It’s just a commercial. Now call the number sucker.
Where are the politicians and consumer advocates on this one? Why are they standing by idly while a portion of their constituents are blatantly getting ripped off. Also, outside of Las Vegas, isn’t wagering on football games illegal? Would it be different if instead of promoting gambling on football games, radio stations ran infomercials that touted the wonders of heroin? Tips on molesting children? Would that grab the attention of the authorities?
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS…By Bill Rogan (9-2-07)
With another NFL season upon us, there are many questions that need to be answered. I don’t care about the standard, who will win the Super Bowl or who will take the MVP questions. We’ll get the answers to those questions in time. I have other questions that I’m not sure I’ll get answers to.
For instance, has Peyton Manning ever turned down an endorsement? He’s a likeable guy but I’m getting tired of seeing his mug on TV all the time.
Speaking of Manning, does his little brother Eli ever speak? Can he talk? Does he have any emotion at all or is he a robot?
We recently learned that Broncos running back Travis Henry has nine kids by nine women. Is that an NFL record? If not, who holds the title?
Is there a scarier image on NFL telecasts than a close-up of John Madden?
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu is fast. Very fast. But wouldn’t he be even faster if he cut off 30-pounds of his hair? How does he squeeze his hair into his helmet? Does the equipment guy even bother to sew his name onto the back of his jersey?
Do Lions fans dread the start of a new season? Do they even peek at the schedule to see where the Super Bowl will be played?
Tavares Jackson will start at quarterback for the Vikings. Who is this guy? Wouldn’t a 67-year old Fran Tarkenton be a better option for the Vikes?
Can the Bills uniforms get uglier? Even arena football teams laugh at Buffalo’s uni’s.
Am I the only one who thinks of Lawrence Taylor when Ladanian Tomlinson is referred to as LT?
If it wasn’t for football, what other sport could really fat guys play?
You may be a peaceful, spiritual, law abiding person. But admit it, there are times when you’ve been tempted to strangle Mr. Fantasy Football in the next cubicle, correct?
Do the Giants have the hottest cheerleaders in football? Trick question. The Giants, thankfully, don’t have cheerleaders. If they did they’d probably be ugly anyway.
Enjoy the season everybody, except for fans of the Cowboys, Eagles and Redskins.
THE SOCCER CZAR…By Bill Rogan (8-31-07)
Professional soccer in the United States is trying to become a mainstream sport. They are trying but the MLS, Major League Soccer, is still on the bottom shelf in the back of the refrigerator in regard to the sports appetite of American fans.
It is my duty to fix soccer in America. Not because I’m some sort of soccer maven out for self-serving glory. No, it’s for the kids. All right, its because I don’t have anything better to do.
My first order of business is to appoint myself the head of the MLS. I’m not happy about replacing the current commissioner, whomever that may be. But he’s got to go. Don’t worry, I’m not heartless. I’ll hook him up with a job. Ball boy, ticket taker, groundskeeper, whatever.
Anyway, I’ll be the new MLS Commissioner. Wait, make that Soccer Czar. It sounds better, tougher and has the European roots to make transplanted foreigners happy. Although, according my extensive research, most foreigners who come to America hate soccer. That’s why they came here.
Where was I? Oh yes, Soccer Czar. As Soccer Czar, I would outlaw faking injuries. If a player fakes an injury, then he will be dragged to the sideline and inflicted with a real injury so he truly has something to complain about.
Next, I would eliminate ties. Who wants to watch a tie? After an overtime period, if it is still deadlocked, the teams will partake in the old NASL (North American Soccer League) shootout, similar to the NHL shootout. A player will dribble in from 35-yards and try to beat the keeper. No more boring penalty kicks to decide a game. But, the popular shootout won’t be used in the playoffs. Only real goals will decide a playoff game. I don’t care if it takes 3-days, sooner or later someone will score. I don’t care if players drop like flies. They play to the finish.
Another new rule would be to outlaw kissing. Nothing disturbs my stomach more than when a guy scores a goal and his teammates all start kissing him. If kissing takes place after a goal, the goal gets nullified and suspensions will be handed out. I’d also put a stop to these guys taking off their shirts all the time.
Also, three soccer balls at a time would be in play for the first half of all games. You know, crank up the action a bit. The second half will be played with one ball to pacify the traditionalists.
An additional innovation would be the mandatory showing of European and South American soccer riots on the Jumbotron. This would be a public service announcement that will serve three purposes. A) The action on the field isn’t worth rioting over. B) We’re civilized in America…we don’t riot. At least over soccer games. C) Soccer riots are highly entertaining, usually better than what is occurring on the field.
Those are but a few changes and innovations to American soccer that I would implement as the Soccer Czar. I’m sure FIFA, the world governing body of soccer, would take umbrage with the new MLS. My response is simple. We’re Americans and we’ll do what we darn well please. And FIFA, if you don’t like it, I’ll make you watch a soccer game…American style.
THE SCOOTER...By Bill Rogan (8-15-07)
I lost my Italian uncle Phil this week. I’m not Italian and I don’t have an uncle Phil. But Phil Rizzuto seemed like my uncle, like everybody’s favorite uncle.
Growing up, I listened to The Scooter announce Yankee games in his own, unique and personable style. He was, and still is, my favorite baseball announcer ever.
He was in our home, either on radio or TV, every day during the baseball season. He even came into our home in the off-season doing various commercials.
Baseball announcers today bore me silly. They don’t speak to me. They broadcast to me. I’m tired of the measured announcer who wants to sound perfect and is afraid to make a mistake or ruffle some feathers.
Rizzuto was the antithesis of the modern day broadcaster. Whether he was talking about the game or giving birthday greetings he was entertaining. When Rizzuto was on TV, I could see the game and what was happening. I didn’t need to hear him breakdown the 2-0 pitch or rattle off some meaningless stat. I wanted to hear him talk about the latest movie he saw or rave about the canolis that were sent to the booth. I loved hearing him call someone who irritated him a “huckleberry” or his famous “Holy Cow” exclamation when something excited him. He was fun to listen to. Plus, Mets fans couldn’t stand him, which made The Scooter even more popular with Yankees fans.
He played before my time but I’ve seen the highlights and it’s pretty amazing he ended up winning seven World Series titles and an MVP as the Yankees shortstop. This after the Brooklyn Dodgers told him he was too small to tryout and to take a hike.
Phil Rizzuto is deservedly in the Hall of Fame as a player. He should be there as a broadcaster as well.
Scooter was 89 when he passed away. He had a good run. I know I speak for Yankees fans everywhere when I say that we’ll miss our uncle Phil.
THE BULKED UP SLUGGER…By Bill Rogan (8-8-07)
There is one thing though that bothers me more than anything about the artificially bulked up slugger. It's not that he is a rude and arrogant jerk, a tired act I've seen up close. It isn't the fact that he is a cheater, liar and cover-up artist. It isn't that he is a bad teammate.
The main reason I can't stand Barry Bonds is that when he hits a home run he just stands in the batters box and admires his blast. I'm shocked that more pitchers don't make him pay with a pitch to the rib cage the next time he steps up to bat. If I were a pitcher, I would fire my best fastball right at his melon-sized head.
Some players admire their home runs but they don't stand there nearly as long as Bonds. They also don't take forever to stroll around the bases like Bonds. Why is it OK for Bonds to show up the pitcher by gloating over a home run but it would be considered bush league if a pitcher celebrated after striking Barry out?
Also, there have been many occasions when Bonds has hit a ball deep and not run out of the box only to realize that the ball clanged off the wall or was caught on the warning track. He's not and never has been a hustling ballplayer.
Years ago I wrote a piece for the Poughkeepsie Journal, a newspaper ironically located in Poughkeepsie, New York. I said I would rather watch hustling ballplayers like Rex Hudler instead of loafers like Barry Bonds. I'll amend that now that Hudler is out of the game. I'd rather watch hustling ballplayers like the Rockies Jamey Carroll instead of loafers, cheats, and belligerent chemically enhanced bums like Barry Bonds.
As for the people who still say, “There is no proof Bonds took steroids” or “He never failed a drug test”, I say wake up. Have you ever heard of circumstantial evidence? Just take a look at his body. Read the book “Game of Shadows.” There is no doubt he’s a cheat.
If you've heard me on the radio or read some of my writing on Bonds, you know that I don't like the guy one bit. He's a sorry excuse for a human being in my opinion.
Barry Bonds has hit the most home runs in baseball history. So what? Anyone with a modicum of logic still considers Hank Aaron the true home run champ. Bonds' mark is fraudulent. I'm not going to go into the details but it is clearly obvious that he used steroids to lengthen his career and dramatically increase his home run output.
A PAINFUL WAY TO MAKE A LIVING…By Bill Rogan (8-7-07)
We love the NFL and admire the men who play the game. When those same players retire, we really don’t think much about them anymore, do we? You could even say we don’t care about them anymore. Every NFL player is replaceable and expendable.
How many people are bothered that numerous former NFL players are limping around on artificial hips or knees? Does it bother you that many NFL players, past and present are in constant pain? Do you care that there are any number of ex-NFL’ers meandering through life with a head clouded from concussions suffered while playing?
The lifespan for an NFL player is about 55-years old. Think about that for a moment. What kind of punishment does an NFL athlete put himself through to where he dies at 55? It doesn’t take a medical degree to know that these men torture their bodies.
You may say that these guys know how violent the game is and are willing to risk short-term and long-term bodily harm. Yes, they know the risks and fans are glad they take them.
You may also say that NFL players are more than handsomely rewarded, although to me they aren’t compensated enough. They should have guaranteed contracts like baseball, but that’s another discussion.
The next time an NFL player retires early to preserve what’s left of his body (Tiki Barber), or when he looks to get more money from his team (Terrell Owens) or when the league institutes rules that cut down on violence (helmet-to-helmet hits), fans shouldn’t be so quick to criticize. Stop and think about the sacrifices an NFL player makes, all for our entertainment and enjoyment.
A SCARY SITUATION…By Bill Rogan (7-26-07)
In 1994, I walked into Welland Stadium in Ontario, Canada for a minor league baseball game. The first thing that struck me about this nice, small ballpark was the safety netting. Instead of a screen just behind home plate, the netting extended down the first and third base lines. It wasn’t very pretty although after several minutes the protective netting was barely noticeable.
I bring this up due to the tragic death of Mike Coolbaugh, the first base coach for the minor league Tulsa Drillers. He was hit in the head by a line drive last week while in the coaches box. Certainly it was a rare and freakish occurrence. Coolbaugh, a former major leaguer who toiled for many years in the minors was just 35. One would think he still had quick reflexes and reactions yet he still could not avoid the speeding baseball.
If a former athlete close to the action could not get out of the way of a hard hit ball then you would think it would be difficult for a regular fan sitting in seats close to the action to avoid a ball rocketing into the seats.
When I go to games, I’m amazed at how many people, in field level seats, that are not paying attention to the game. Even parents with small kids often are not watching the game. If they can’t protect themselves from a rapidly approaching projectile, how can they protect their children?
I’ve seen many people picked off by baseballs at games. Fortunately I know of no fatalities. But I have seen bloody mouths, bloody noses and bruises. I once saw a lady get nailed in the face with a ball when she was standing in an aisle. It knocked her down and left her bloodied. It was frightening and yes, she wasn’t paying attention.
Maybe it is time that baseball teams, from the minors to the majors, follow the example at Welland Stadium and extend the protective netting past the dugouts. While it may not be aesthetically pleasing, it would certainly cut down on injuries and perhaps even a fatality.
The NHL placed protective nets behind the goals AFTER a puck killed a young fan. Baseball should be proactive and protect fans BEFORE someone gets killed.
(For pictures of Welland Stadium, click on the link. http://www.digitalballparks.com/NYPenn/Welland.html )
GONE AND FORGOTTEN…By Bill Rogan (7-17-07)
A couple of weeks ago we had Tim Burke on our program. The former pitcher, who was an All-Star in 1989, mentioned that he was in the Montreal Expos Hall of Fame. A Hall of Fame that no longer exists.
They left Montreal without the fanfare of the Dodgers leaving Brooklyn or the Giants exiting for San Francisco. Gone. Perhaps leaving behind a handful of upset fans.
The Expos left for Washington after the 2004 season but in reality they were done after 1994. That year the Expos had the best record in baseball at 74-40 when the plug was pulled. The baseball strike wiped out the remainder of the season and postseason. The World Series Champs that year…Vacant.
Most people were bitter, and rightfully so, that the season and World Series was cancelled because wealthy players and wealthier owners couldn’t reach a collective bargaining agreement.
“I’m never going to another baseball game,” was a refrain heard around North America.
Most fans did come back to the game, eventually. However, in Montreal, they didn’t come back. They felt betrayed and who could blame them. I actually admire them for sticking to their guns although it eventually cost them the franchise.
Montreal became an outpost. The talented players they had left as free agents or were traded. Guys like Larry Walker, Pedro Martinez, Marquis Grissom, Moises Alou and Vladimir Guerrero.
The Expos had just three more winning seasons in their final decade in Canada, playing before sparse crowds at Olympic Stadium, a cold, sterile building that was totally miscast as a baseball park. On a few occasions, I was part of those sparse crowds.
So the Expos are gone and the Montreal Expos Hall of Fame, of which Tim Burke is a proud member, is gone as well. While never a fan of the team, I must admit, I miss the Montreal Expos.
SELIG’S BOY…By Bill Rogan (7-13-07)
Recently I was of the belief that baseball Omissioner Bud Selig not attend any games where Giants Outfielder Barry Bonds might break Hank Aaron’s home run record. However, I now feel Selig should absolutely be there. In the front row.
We all know that the bulked up slugger, or make that BALCOed up slugger, is a cheater and cover up artist. Anyone who thinks Bonds is clean because he didn’t fail a baseball administered steroid test is either delusional, stupid or both. Just read the book “Game of Shadows” and then tell me you think Bonds is clean. If the book is fictional, where are the lawsuits from those implicated in the book?
The main reason Bonds, and others, have been able to take illegal performance enhancing drugs is because of the negligent Commissioner. Selig knew steroids were being used and abused by his players. But he feigned ignorance and let the charade continue so long balls were flying out of parks and money was entering the coffers. The owners and players union shill Donald Fehr are also guilty of failing to clean up baseball when it was obvious there was a problem.
Because Selig turned a blind eye on the matter and enabled Bonds to assault the record book, he should be there for Barry’s big moment. He needs to be there. They are in bed together. The same goes for Fehr and the other owners. Without them Bonds’ career runs its course and he wouldn’t be on the verge of the home run record. They should all be there to congratulate Barry on his tainted achievement. Then they should issue a major mea culpa to Hank Aaron.
THE FIRST PITCH…By Bill Rogan (6-25-07)
Throwing out the ceremonial first pitch is a special occasion. Actually, it used to be a special occasion.
There was a time when somebody special delivered the first pitch. The President of the United States or a war hero would toss out the first pitch. Former players of renown have had the honor of throwing out the first pitch to the delight of the fans that remembered who they were. Citizens who have done something great like saving the life of someone have been honored, deservedly, by throwing out the first pitch. Yes, first pitch ceremonies used to have significance.
Now however, the first pitch is rarely special. Too often the vice president of marketing for some company that has sponsored a give-away item throws out the first pitch. Sometimes several marketing guys throw out the first pitch, which isn’t really the first pitch unless you were the first guy to literally throw the first pitch.
The more these nobodies throw out the ceremonial first pitch the more it cheapens what used to be a special occasion.
Perhaps I’m nitpicking. But it is just another example of a nice tradition being sold by greedy ball clubs and bought by some company in the name of marketing. All it really does now is hold up the start of the game.
DUKES OF HAZZARD…By Bill Rogan (6-20-07)
Elijah Dukes, ladies man. Women can’t keep their hands off him. The 22-year old Tampa Bay Devil Rays rookie outfielder is apparently a great catch. He has five kids from four different women. Soon, it will be six kids from five different women. Dukes will become a dad again when the 17-year old foster child living with his grandmother gives birth.
When the girl told Dukes the news, Elijah celebrated by throwing a Gatorade bottle at her.
Baseball has had great nicknames. You had “The Splendid Splinter”, Ted Williams. Joe DiMaggio was “The Yankee Clipper.” With Dukes you have “The Tampa Impregnator.” “The Procreator” could be another moniker for Elijah. Hasn’t this guy ever heard of condoms?
One person who hasn’t been thrilled with Dukes off the field action is his estranged wife. That feeling must be mutual since Dukes sent her a photo of a gun and also threatened to kill her. For that transgression Dukes was slapped with a one-year restraining order.
While the Devil Rays patience with Dukes is waning, at least he has support from his mother, Phyllis, who said, “Every time one of those whores lays down with my baby they end up pregnant. That’s right. And I’m tired of them.”
I wonder if his mom ever thought that maybe Elijah just likes having children?
When not playing baseball and knocking up women, Dukes spends much of his time getting arrested. He’s been arrested six times for various offenses such as marijuana possession, resisting an officer and assault. He also has had trouble getting along with coaches and teammates dating back to high school. Or I should say, high schools. He went to four different high schools in four years. He was handed several suspensions while in the minor leagues, including five last season alone at Durham. When the Devil Rays considered sending Dukes back to Triple-A this season, management in Durham said they didn’t want him back.
Who in the world is advising Dukes? Pacman Jones? Shawn Kemp? Rae Carruth? Lawrence Phillips? Anybody? In a recent, unsolicited call to a Tampa sports talk show to rant about his estranged wife, Dukes was asked if he needed help. Dukes responded by saying “No, I don’t need no help.”
The Devil Rays need to dump this guy and fast. At best he’s a burden. At worst he’s a danger. Plus, he’s hitting .190 this season and teams seem to grow more intolerant of .190 hitters quicker than .300 hitters. If Tampa Bay cuts Dukes it will be addition by subtraction.
When that happens don’t feel sorry for Dukes. After all, the ladies love Elijah.
A BASEBALL CAREER...By Bill Rogan (6-14-07)
I was driving home yesterday when out of nowhere the name Clyde McCullough popped into my head. Clyde McCullough? I hadn’t thought of this man in probably 25 years or so and I have no idea why I thought of him now.
Clyde McCullough was a major league catcher for the Cubs and Pirates in the 40’s and 50’s and he was a coach at a baseball camp I attended in 1978 in Pennington, New Jersey. I don’t remember much about him other than he was a very good instructor, a nice old guy, somewhat leathery and quick with a smile.
When I got home, I did a little research on McCullough and he had an interesting career. He hit .252 over the course of 15-seasons. He only hit 52 lifetime home runs but three of those came in one game in 1942, a 4-3 Cubs loss to the Phillies. He hit just five home runs that entire season.
Also very peculiar was that in 1945 he played in one game and had one at bat and that was in the World Series. He had just gotten out of the Navy and rejoined the Cubs after a two-season layoff. In the 9th inning of Game 7, McCullough was called on to pinch- hit and future Hall of Famer Hal Newhouser struck him out as the Tigers won 9-3. That’s a pretty tough assignment I would think. Don’t hit for two years but go up there and try to do some damage in the 7th game of the World Series against a guy who won 25 games that season. An interesting fact about that World Series was that the first three games were played at Tiger Stadium and the next four at Wrigley Field, the last year the Cubs participated in the World Series.
One thing really has me baffled about McCullough’s career. He was an All Star in 1948 and again in 1953. He didn’t appear in either game but the fact that he was on those squads is puzzling.
In 1948, McCullough batted .209 with one homer and seven RBI’s for the entire season. He played in just 69 games and collected just 36 hits. Yet he was on the All Star team? How did that happen?
In 1953, back with the Cubs after a four-year stint in Pittsburgh, McCullough’s final numbers were six homers, 23 runs knocked in with a .258 average. Better than in 48’ but All Star quality?
He had a reputation as an outstanding defensive catcher and a tough guy but offensively the numbers don’t seem to be that of an All Star.
Following his playing days, McCullough was a scout, managed in the minor leagues and coached with several major league clubs, including the Mets, Expos and Padres. He also coached me at baseball camp. He was a baseball guy through and through.
Clyde McCullough died in 1982 at the age of 65.
